so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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