Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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