Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
