hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
