for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Couch. On fire.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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