there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
