I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
