the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
