I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Pooping to opera.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
