her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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