..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
