I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
