He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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