He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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