Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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