This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
