Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
