So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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