matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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