i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
