why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
