you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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