Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
