Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
