It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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