Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
