You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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