You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
