me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
