Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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