If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
