you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
