I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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