whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
