some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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