Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
