you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
