Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
honey bunches of taint.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
