hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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