The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
