she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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