She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
