and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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