Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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