Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
