I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
