Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
