my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
