Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
