i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
