Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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